Ok, so I'm scared out of my f-ing mind. I think I'm in love, completely and totally head over heels in love. But the scary part is I've never really felt like this before and I'm completely out of my element. I'm such an independent person like I don't need anyone to make me feel complacent but this one guy makes me feel like no other. When I think about anything in my future he's always the first person who comes to mind. And the scary part is... just because you want someone in your future doesn't necessarily mean they're going to be there or even want to be there. The thing is we were friends for so long that its come to the point that I can't see myslef with anyone else which is kind of nerve wrecking. I'm 17, I have my whole life ahead of me and I'm stuck on this one guy who basically makes my world go round. And he's excatly (for the most part) what I thought my ideal guy would be. Its wierd for me to be writing this about a guy who 9 wks ago I was kinda "shy" around(couldn't express feellings) but not only that, its wierd for me to feel this way at all. But sometimes your scared to admit something you know you've felt for SOO long because deep down inside you know that's all you've ever wanted. Now the only question is... does he feel the same cuz I've messed up... a lot, a whole lot and I've taken many things for granted but hey whose fault is that. The turth is.. I have a hard time letting anybody in and I actually have allowed him in after a LONG time, nevertheless I did. Now I kinda feel vulnerable and I ALWAYS think about him when I'm doing certian things, when I say certain things and when I see certain things. Sometimes I even dream about him and see him when I know that we are definitely miles away from each other and will not bump into each other for sure. I really have this guy on my mind and I don't really know what to do or how to define how I feel, maybe it's love and hopefully not lust. But OH MY GRILL!!! I feel like one of those girls who only thinks about their boyfriends day and night and I don't want that to happen, it's okay sometimes but not all the time. Because I'm scared I find myself backing away and he just stays still. I guess it's kinda like my way of testing how he feels about me but it's just made the gap i created even bigger than I ever thought it would. All i know is I wish he would give me some kind of sign that either we're going somewhere or we're over. The questions are HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ME/WHERE IS THIS GOING/WHAT IS HAPPENING TO US??? I'm scared almost to death of what I'm feeling and I need some advice....
-KweenBMzC
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment